Dickens' Christmas Carol

[erichthewebguy]

Scheister & Grifter, LLC
555 5th Ave.
66th Floor
NY, NY 10304

December 24, 2005

Charles Dickens, et. al.
123 Somewhere Rd.
Anywhere, US 90210

VIA CERTIFIED MAIL

Mr. Dickens,

We represent Ebenezer Scrooge ("client"). It has come to our attention that you have written a wholly ficticious story about our client. As a result of your writing, our client has suffered major financial and social injury.

We hereby demand that you write a letter of apology, pubically retract your slanderous account, and remand damages in the sum of $1,000,000 immediately. Should you refuse our demands, we are prepared to take further action, including, but not limited to, seeking relief in a court of law.

We trust that you will meet our demands within ten calendar days of your receipt of this letter. All correspondence regarding this matter should be sent to our attention.

Yours,

Harry B. Scheister
Lead Counsel
Scheister & Grifter, LLC

[Dagummit]

Am I missing something here?

[erichthewebguy]

Am I missing something here?
Maybe? My wife didn't think it was funny either. I thought it was great.

[toddy rotton]

Scheister & Grifter, LLC
555 5th Ave.
66th Floor
NY, NY 10304

December 24, 2005

We represent Ebenezer Scrooge ("client").

REPLY FROM:

Dewey, Takum & Howe Esquires
555 5th Ave.
67th Floor
NY, NY 10304

Intent of representation,
Re: Demands,

Should this go before the Magistrate let it be known we have three wittnesses that will indeed atest to the FACT that your client did, indeed become involved reluctantly, but, willingly, to the alleged "ficticious" incident. We request that you cease and desist from further correspondence with regards to this.

Furthermore, the ACLU is prepared to file a brief on behalf of our three corroborating witnesses who wish to only be referred to as: "Past, Present and Future" and should they desire such representation we have extended an offer to be co-counsel.

These potential clients became the "victims", of your client, one "E. Scrooge" as he ran & cried "Merry Christmas" instead of the accepted "Happy Holidays", one early morning last December, throughout the whole town.

The family of one "Tiny Tim" was egregiously injured after that horrible incident, as the young boy was heard to say "GOD bless us... everyone" before many others.

The family has refused counsel after receiving an undisclosed sum of money from your client. We have since deferred to the State District Attorney for possible criminal tampering charges.


...and i heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!

[Oi_Ve]

REPLY FROM:

Scrooge, Ebenezer
1225 Portabello Rd.

London, England 15631

To the chief of police of Scotland Yard and to all whom it may concern

In addition to the above suit I am filing against Mr. Dickens for the use of my name and likeness in a piece of literature without my consent or royalties of said piece, I would like to lodge a complaint with Scotland Yard as to an incident which occured on the evening of December 24th involving three ruffians who abused my trust and commited numerous illicit acts upon me and my property while I was suffering from delusions from an upset stomach, caused, I think, by a bad piece of gruel.
The first deliquent was a young woman who attempted to convince me that I was capable of flight, and that I should leap out of my window. The woman also had nosed into my personal documents and files, as her knowledge of my past was far too great and accurate to have been aquired from mere rumor.
The second was a large and portly ruffian who offered me a tonic which he called the 'milk of life', which I am rather sure was an illicit drug of some form. Also, this gargantuan of a man raided my pantry and stole from it the following:
"turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn,
great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages,
mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts,
cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears,
immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, that
made the chamber dim with their delicious steam".
The third and final was a tall individual who kept his face hidden with a dark cloak and attempted to intimidate me into forking over my purse and clothing, as well as my shoes.
I request the above ruffians be found and charged with their respected crimes and punished under the laws of England.
I would also wish to formerly clear my name by stating that any acts or statements made by me during the night of December 24 and the subsequent day which are outside of the manner which is typical of myself be waved as a result of temporary insanity from my bad gruel and the trauma from that evening.

[erichthewebguy]

LOL! I was hoping you guys would catch on and dive in. I nearly laughed myself sick when I read your reply, TR, esp. the part anout the ACLU.

And Oi Ve, that was also great. Thanks for spreading a little bit o' Christmas cheer!