Oi_Ve
09-20-2005, 10:15 AM
I recieved this email from my daughter-in-law. We're always talking about countries as if they were people (e.g. France did this, America did that). Well here's a view of countries if they were actually people
America
Gung-ho Guy in his early 20's
The young go-getter type who enjoys playing the hero and still thinks he can make a difference in the world
Britain
Jaded 80 year old man
As cold and indifferent as its weather. Educated, but isolated and angry over something but can't remember what. Makes you feel stupid and small when he talks.
France
15 year old rich kid
He has all the latest stuff and is into all the latest trends, and has enough maturity to appreciate them, but lacks real maturity in that he constantly argues about how much better his stuff is compared to yours
Germany
Annoying neighbor guy in his mid 30's
Doesn't really do much of anything anymore, just keeps to himself until he somebody else does something, then he comes over and starts rambling and acting friendly (think of all the non-Jefferson characters in the Jeffersons)
China
Sexually confused pre-teen
Its sort of cute how he's going from boyhood to manhood, but he doesn't really understand what's happening to him and is testing his boundries and consuming ridiculous amounts of energy (teenagers eat a lot; China sucks more oil than the USA)
Australia
Poor person who doesn't do anything except beg for money
Who gives a damn. Moving on.
Japan
Like a Japanese guy
Goes without saying. Moving on.
North Korea
Toddler
Cries over everything, throws tantrums, and is smarter than you will ever give them credit for.
South Korea
Happy old man who just bought a time share
Sucker.
Saudi Arabia
Old woman obsessed with her garden
Complete lack of priorities and organization. Hides behind its miniscule achievements so that it doesn't realize that its existance is a sham.
Switzerland
Third trimester
The fetus of the world. We know very little about it, it doesn't really do anything, but is capable of surviving without others. Just wrong to kill it, but again it doesn't do anything. It just sits there
Canada
Strange neighbor you know nothing about
Just what the @#$% is that guy next door doing? Seriously, he doesn't come out except every once in a while. Is he making something in there? Or is his life really that dull?
Mexico
That guy who always runs on COPS
He's always going to be there; he's always going to be doing something we don't like; and he runs every @#$%ing time. And not just a light jog, a full out sprint. And he's a fast sucker too.
Venezuala
Tiannamon Square Protestor
Yes they're bitching, yes they're annoying, yes their views could change politics in our region of the world. But is that any reason to kill them? Naw, just run them over with a tank.
Iraq
Robert Louis Stevenson
Man he's got some potential! Good location, rich cultural heritage, decent infrastructure, natural resources. Now if only he could shake those few bad habits (like insurgancy, or if you're Mr. Stevenson, cocaine)
Russia
Born Again Christian or Somebody with a Mid-life Crisis
"though once I was blind, now I see the truth! When I was led down the path of temptation and modern political views, it brought only evil. Instead I must return to the ways of old and revive Tsarism, for I am born again!"
Isreal
Your local Rabbi
The only people who actually care about him are Jews and people who hate Jews.
The Entire Continent of Africa
One of the guys who has an Alien in His Chest
You know its going to happen eventually and that its going to suck when it does. But there's not much that you can do, so you're just sort of waiting.
I though it was pretty clever myself :icon_bigg
America
Gung-ho Guy in his early 20's
The young go-getter type who enjoys playing the hero and still thinks he can make a difference in the world
Britain
Jaded 80 year old man
As cold and indifferent as its weather. Educated, but isolated and angry over something but can't remember what. Makes you feel stupid and small when he talks.
France
15 year old rich kid
He has all the latest stuff and is into all the latest trends, and has enough maturity to appreciate them, but lacks real maturity in that he constantly argues about how much better his stuff is compared to yours
Germany
Annoying neighbor guy in his mid 30's
Doesn't really do much of anything anymore, just keeps to himself until he somebody else does something, then he comes over and starts rambling and acting friendly (think of all the non-Jefferson characters in the Jeffersons)
China
Sexually confused pre-teen
Its sort of cute how he's going from boyhood to manhood, but he doesn't really understand what's happening to him and is testing his boundries and consuming ridiculous amounts of energy (teenagers eat a lot; China sucks more oil than the USA)
Australia
Poor person who doesn't do anything except beg for money
Who gives a damn. Moving on.
Japan
Like a Japanese guy
Goes without saying. Moving on.
North Korea
Toddler
Cries over everything, throws tantrums, and is smarter than you will ever give them credit for.
South Korea
Happy old man who just bought a time share
Sucker.
Saudi Arabia
Old woman obsessed with her garden
Complete lack of priorities and organization. Hides behind its miniscule achievements so that it doesn't realize that its existance is a sham.
Switzerland
Third trimester
The fetus of the world. We know very little about it, it doesn't really do anything, but is capable of surviving without others. Just wrong to kill it, but again it doesn't do anything. It just sits there
Canada
Strange neighbor you know nothing about
Just what the @#$% is that guy next door doing? Seriously, he doesn't come out except every once in a while. Is he making something in there? Or is his life really that dull?
Mexico
That guy who always runs on COPS
He's always going to be there; he's always going to be doing something we don't like; and he runs every @#$%ing time. And not just a light jog, a full out sprint. And he's a fast sucker too.
Venezuala
Tiannamon Square Protestor
Yes they're bitching, yes they're annoying, yes their views could change politics in our region of the world. But is that any reason to kill them? Naw, just run them over with a tank.
Iraq
Robert Louis Stevenson
Man he's got some potential! Good location, rich cultural heritage, decent infrastructure, natural resources. Now if only he could shake those few bad habits (like insurgancy, or if you're Mr. Stevenson, cocaine)
Russia
Born Again Christian or Somebody with a Mid-life Crisis
"though once I was blind, now I see the truth! When I was led down the path of temptation and modern political views, it brought only evil. Instead I must return to the ways of old and revive Tsarism, for I am born again!"
Isreal
Your local Rabbi
The only people who actually care about him are Jews and people who hate Jews.
The Entire Continent of Africa
One of the guys who has an Alien in His Chest
You know its going to happen eventually and that its going to suck when it does. But there's not much that you can do, so you're just sort of waiting.
I though it was pretty clever myself :icon_bigg